April 08, 2009

A familiar stranger

Met Florence for dinner earlier, at Junction 8. Saw Desmond having dinner at the foodcourt alone. He didn't see me.

It's a peculiar feeling seeing your ex. It's true what a song depicted - the most familiar stranger. Like meeting an old friend who has made a deep impression on your life but you lost contact with. One that, on impulse, you might want to go up and wave your hand in front of him and say, "Hey! Hi!" But, on better judgement, you would exactly not do that. Because there is, really, nothing left to say beyond the "Hi!".

Would you ask the inconsequential? Like, "How have you been?" or perhaps ask the redundant, like, "So, what are you doing now?" Would you go so far as to suggest keeping in touch and update each other on your latest contact no.? Would you go even further, to reminisce over a dinner someday?

The thing is, what is there to reminisce? Or maybe, it's just better not to because you wouldn't want that familiar stranger to become a friend again. Or maybe, just cos you are scared. Afraid to know how much of the past is still not done with you, even if you are done with it.

Regrets. We all have a couple of those. Just, how far would you dare to look back when you've come this far? Risk. We all take a few doses of that. Just, how sure are you that the black hole of your own past will fail to tempt your future?

I think of GQ... my first boyfriend, now my pretty good friend, still. To a point, I think I will forgive him for all his stupidity and arsed-up acts. Seriously.
I think of Desmond... my second boyfriend, now a familiar stranger. There's really nothing to say beyond a smile, as we had promised each other.
I think of Kay... my only girlfriend, now seemingly a figment of my past. I don't know what really happened and I have accepted that I do not need to know.

Looking forward... I've got to call Emman. I took a raincheck in our conversation to blog about this.

He said he wants a future with me. So, stop talking about a future. The future, my friends, is in the everyday. That's what we agree on. ^^

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:09